20 Reminders for When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough

We all have moments where we feel like we’re not good enough.

For those of us raised by abusive parents, this feeling isn’t just a moment.

It’s pretty much always there until we begin healing from the trauma.

When you’re raised in an environment where you were criticized for every little thing, it becomes second nature to talk to yourself the same way.

I know what it’s like to repeat the same painful words that were once said to me

“You will never amount to anything”, “No one will ever love someone like you”, or “You’re worthless.”

The wounds left by the chronic criticism don’t vanish overnight.

They stick around, making you hyperaware of your flaws and blind to your strengths.

They make it hard to see yourself as someone who deserves kindness, love, or success.

When you’ve been told countless times that you aren’t good enough, feeling like you are good enough, or even just enough, feels impossible.

But despite everything, and you might not believe me when I tell you, it is possible to feel better about yourself.

When you feel like you’re not enough, here are some things to remember.

The reminders here have helped me. I hope they can help you, too.

1. You Are Special

Yes, it sounds cliche.

But you are a unique combination of traits, interests, values, quirks, and experiences that no one else shares.

Even as you grow and change, there will still only ever be one you.

I hope you recognize that that, in itself, is a fascinating thing.

2. You Are Not Alone

It may not feel like it, but many people struggle with feeling inadequate.

Even those who seem confident or put-together have moments of doubt.

You’re not broken or weird; you’re human.

Knowing that others feel this way can hopefully make the burden feel a little lighter.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

We often feel like the grass is greener on the other side.

But there are things we don’t know about others, just like there are things others don’t know about us.

We often compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

But everyone has their struggles.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to your past self.

Recognize how far you’ve come.

What matters isn’t about being better or happier than other people.

It’s about being the better or happier you.

4. People’s Actions Aren’t Always About You

If someone treated you poorly, it likely had more to do with them than you.

Hurt people hurt people.

That doesn’t excuse their actions, but it means that their behavior doesn’t define your worth.

You can’t control how other people treat you. But you can control how you react to it.

I still struggle with this myself, but try not to take things too personally.

I remind myself that not everyone is out to attack me like my mother did.

And if they are, that’s their problem, not mine.

5. You Don’t Need Their Approval

Not everyone will understand or accept you. And that’s okay.

Try to stop listening to others tell you what you should be or want.

You don’t need external validation to be worthy. What matters most is how you see yourself.

Be true to who you are and surround yourself with people who value the real you.

I always care too much about what other people think.

But I continue to remind myself that as long as those who matter see me positively, who cares how I live my life or present myself?

Be good enough for yourself and your loved ones.

And don’t base that on society’s or outsiders’ standards. We can’t please everyone.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you have the right to live life the way you want to and be who you want to be.

6. Perfection Does Not Exist

Perfection isn’t just unrealistic; it’s unhealthy.

Chasing perfection leads to burnout, insecurity, and paralysis.

Instead, focus on progress.

As long as you did the best you could, don’t beat yourself up over it not being ideal.

You may not be where you want to be. But every step forward, no matter how small, counts.

Growth matters more than flawless outcomes.

Related: The Problem with Perfection

7. Celebrate Your Wins, No Matter How Small

We often overlook our accomplishments, especially the small ones.

But these little wins build momentum. Acknowledge them!

Reward yourself with a treat, a short break, a simple pat on the back, or even a little affirmation like “Good job!”, I did it!”, or “Yay!”

You deserve to feel proud.

8. You Are Good Enough to Try

Everything you’ve ever achieved or accomplished came from taking that first step of trying.

You don’t need to be the best. You just need to be brave enough to give it a chance.

Whether you succeed or fail, trying is proof that you believe in yourself at least a little.

And if you make mistakes, didn’t do as well as you hoped, or fail, be proud of yourself for at least giving it a go.

Don’t let the fear of imperfection or failure hold you back.

9. Your Imperfections Don’t Define You

Our brains are wired to focus on the negative.

We could get a hundred compliments a day. But our minds would dwell on the one minor criticism instead.

Sometimes, we obsess over our small flaws that others hardly see and blow them out of proportion until they feel like our whole identity.

I’m guilty of this, and it’s something I’m working on.

But everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes.

These things don’t make us unworthy or bad. They make us human.

What matters is your intention to grow and how you respond.

You are more than your worst moments and insecurities.

10. You Have Good Qualities

When your self-esteem takes a hit, it’s easy to overlook the good things about you. But they’re still there.

Maybe it’s your kindness, your humor, your creativity, or just the way you care for others.

There are people who think you’re great. They likely don’t see you the way you see yourself.

And even if others didn’t notice your good qualities or made you feel like they didn’t matter, they’re still part of you.

You have good things worth appreciating and holding onto.

It’s okay to continue to work on yourself and be the best version of yourself.

But it’s also important to recognize and celebrate the good parts of yourself.

11. Your Thoughts Are Not Always Truthful

Your mind can be a very convincing liar. But just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.

Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never change” feel convincing.

But they’re often shaped by fear, pain, or old programming.

Your thoughts don’t define who you are unless you let them change how you act or feel about yourself.

Learn to challenge those thoughts. And remember that you don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you.

Related: How to Stop Negative Self-Talk After Abuse

12. Remember a Time You Felt Good Enough

There was a moment, even if small, when you did feel good enough.

Maybe you were proud of yourself for something you did or achieved.

Try to think back on how you were feeling at the time. That moment was real.

That feeling came from within you, which means it’s still there, waiting to be felt again.

13. You Can’t Hate Your Way Into Self-Love

Some think self-criticism leads to growth.

But more often, it leads to fear, shame, and giving up before you even try.

Telling yourself you’re a failure or unlovable doesn’t help you improve.

Instead, it reinforces the very cycle you’re trying to break.

I didn’t realize how painful self-hate was until I saw someone I love speak that way about themselves.

That’s when it clicked. This isn’t just hurting me. It hurts others, too.

Allow yourself the freedom to feel scared, unsure, and uncomfortable.

But also allow yourself to believe that you can succeed and that you are worthy and lovable.

14. You Deserve Compassion, Especially from Yourself

Being able to love yourself is hard.

But try to at least treat yourself with care and kindness, especially during times when you feel unlovable or unworthy.

You likely give kindness and support to others, yet struggle to do the same for yourself.

So try to treat yourself like you would a loved one who is struggling.

And try to never let how you feel about yourself stop you from accepting kindness, love, and compassion from others.

It can be difficult, but love and support are probably the best things you can have during times like that.

Related: Self-Compassion and Why It’s Important for Healing

15. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Feeling like you’re not good enough is painful.

But it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re having a hard time, and that’s okay.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgment.

16. You Are Still Healing

If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, neglect, or trauma, it takes time to unlearn the lies you were taught.

Be gentle with yourself.

Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t happen overnight.

17. You Are Not What Happened to You

Your experiences shaped you, but they don’t define you.

You are more than your trauma, your past, or your pain.

You are a person who’s capable of creating something new.

18. Forgive Yourself

I’m not usually one who believes in “forgive and forget”. But when it comes to yourself, I think you should try.

Most of us are haunted by old mistakes and regrets.

Like me, you’ve probably replayed them a hundred times, losing sleep over it.

But if the people involved have already forgiven you, or don’t even remember, it’s time you start letting go, too.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen.

It means choosing not to keep punishing yourself for it.

Everyone makes mistakes. Most people just don’t talk about theirs.

What matters is what you learned from it and how you grow.

19. The Future Isn’t Set in Stone

No one can predict the future, especially not your abusive parent who tried to make you believe otherwise.

I used to think that I’d always be alone, depressed, and unhappy, because that’s what my mother said repeatedly.

And for a while, I genuinely believed it. I even accepted that it was inevitable.

But it wasn’t true.

If I had kept believing those lies, I would’ve pushed away everything that helped me heal.

And that would’ve made them come true.

Your future is still unfolding.

Don’t let anyone else decide how your story continues and ends.

20. You Can Choose Who You Want to Be

You are not stuck.

Even if you feel like your past defines you, you have the power to grow and change.

When feeling like you’re not good enough is impairing your life, you may need to think whether there are changes you can or need to make to help you feel better.

What’s triggering you to feel the way you do? And what can you do about it?

Is it external, like someone pressuring or criticizing you?

Or is it internal, like negative self-talk or low self-esteem?

Depending on what it is, there are steps you can take toward feeling better.

I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But every day is a chance to take a step toward the life or person you want to be.

Final Thoughts

In the end, let me just be one person to tell you that you are enough.

And it’s not because you did something amazing or that you proved something to someone.

You are doing better than you think. You matter.

Feeling like you’re not good enough is a difficult thing to sit with.

It eats at your confidence, steals your joy, and warps your view of the world and yourself.

But that voice in your head, the one that says you’re not enough, is not the truth.

It’s a voice planted by others and reinforced over time. It can be challenged. And it can be silenced.

Being good enough was never about proving yourself, or being perfect or extraordinary.

Just by being here, just by trying, just by surviving – you already are.

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