The Problem with Perfection: Why Perfectionism Is Bad

In my previous post about perfectionism and trauma, I mentioned that if you had abusive parents, you likely struggle with perfectionism. And being a perfectionist comes with many daily struggles.

This post will discuss the problem with perfection, whether it’s healthy, the difference between perfectionism and striving to do your best, and nine reasons why perfectionism is bad for you.

This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase using a link in this post, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support! For more information, see Privacy Policy.

The Problem with Perfection

First off, perfection is subjective.

Something perfect to you might not be to someone else. So there’s no objective measure to what’s “perfect”. Since perfection is subjective, it simply doesn’t exist. And because it doesn’t exist, it’s unattainable.

Even if perfection does exist in certain aspects, it is still incredibly hard to achieve it all the time. Not only is that an unreasonable standard, but it is also near-impossible for someone to be able to always achieve that. So again, perfection is pretty much impossible.

In addition, research suggests that although perfectionists may usually be more motivated and conscientious than non-perfectionists, they also have higher levels of burnout, stress, workaholism, anxiety, and depression.

And interestingly, there are no links between perfectionism and performance. In other words, perfectionists aren’t specifically better performers or workers than non-perfectionists. In the end, perfectionism doesn’t sound like it has many benefits, at least not enough to outweigh the negatives.

Also, perfectionists may actually achieve less than those with healthier attitudes. That’s because their focus on perfection robs them of motivation and can bring on procrastination and other self-defeating behaviors.

The bottom line is that although perfectionism has its pros, it’s not enough to justify it due to its downfalls.

Can Perfectionism Be Healthy?

Some people might use the term “healthy perfectionism” to justify their need to be perfect or to do things perfectly. But is there such a thing as “healthy perfectionism”?

Dr. Paul Hewitt, the co-author of Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment, said: “Perfectionism is a broad personality style characterized by a hypercritical relationship with one’s self… Setting high standards and aiming for excellence can be positive traits, but perfectionism is dysfunctional because it’s underscored by a person’s sense of themselves as permanently flawed or defective.”

In other words, while some elements of perfectionism can be seen as positive, the concept of perfectionism as a whole relies on an individual not feeling good enough as they are.

When an individual holds themselves to impossible standards, they end up setting themselves up for perpetual failure. Due to this, perfectionism can be considered unhealthy or even toxic.

Additionally, perfectionism should not be confused with striving for excellence or for doing your best. There is a difference between being a perfectionist and being a high-achiever.

Perfectionist vs. High Achiever

Both perfectionists and high achievers tend to set high goals and work hard to achieve them. However, high achievers can be satisfied or happy about their achievements and learn from their mistakes.

On the other hand, perfectionists will tend to beat themselves up over any mistake and accept nothing short of perfect. This causes them the inability to feel proud or happy about things they did well. To them, “almost perfect” is a failure.

Dr. Brene Brown, the author of The Gifts of Imperfection, says that “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement or growth”.

She explains further that many people use perfectionism as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt, that it’s a form of armor connected to one’s sense of shame and fear of not being good enough.

Dr. Brown claims that perfectionism is driven by the belief that “If I look perfect, work perfect, live perfect, I will avoid or minimize criticism, blame, or ridicule.”

So striving to do your best or to achieve is usually healthy. And it’s usually motivated internally – by your own need to do your best so you can feel accomplished and proud of your work.

Whereas striving for perfection is usually motivated externally – by the need to please or gain the approval of others.

9 Reasons Why Perfectionism is Bad for You

So I already covered some of the most problematic aspects of perfectionism. The big one is that it isn’t possible. Not only that, it does more harm than good.

Here are some other reasons why perfectionism is bad for you, some of which you’re probably aware of.

Perfectionism burns you out

Striving to be perfect means you’re putting unreasonable limits and demands on yourself.

There will always be more for you to do and improve on. Because of that, you’ll end up stretching yourself too thin and burning yourself out.

And when you think about it, that’s counterproductive.

Because you’re burning yourself out, you’re even more bound to make mistakes, thus making things less “perfect” than you’d like, which then continues this vicious cycle.

Perfectionism causes you to neglect yourself

When you’re stretched thin and burned out trying to do everything perfectly, you end up having no time for yourself.

You likely spend a lot of time worrying about the next project or trying to fix something you think you or someone messed up or didn’t do well enough on.

You may start neglecting yourself when you’re too busy constantly working on one thing after another, never giving yourself any time to relax, recoup, or truly live.

Perfectionism can negatively affect your relationships

Dr. Hewitt said, “Ironically, many people pursue perfectionism with the belief that it will make them more acceptable to others. But instead, it pushes people away.”

Perfectionism may cause you to place your own unrealistic standards on your family, friends, or colleagues, thus bringing pressure and stress into your relationships.

It can also cause you to miss out on life or important moments with your loved ones because you’re busy worrying or working on something to make sure it’s perfect.

Perfectionism can cause anxiety

Perfectionism puts you in a constant state of worry, always anxious about how to do something perfectly or constantly pondering over why something isn’t perfect.

You may constantly worry about how to approach a task or process to make sure it’s perfect. Or you might keep putting it off because you’re scared of making mistakes or of failing completely (in your standards). But then, that just makes your anxiety worse.

And even when you’ve done something well, you might worry about how it could be better or how to do it differently so that it can be perfect.

Perfectionism can cause depression

Meanwhile, perfectionism can also cause depression or worse.

For instance, several decades of research on perfectionism show that it’s associated with suicidal thinking and behaviors.

Whenever you mess up or feel like something’s not “perfect”, you end up feeling unworthy or like a complete failure. Or you may feel regrets over mistakes you’ve made throughout the process or dwell over the times that you’ve failed.

And while you continue to focus on all the times you messed up, you completely miss out on all the times you’ve done well, too.

All of this dwelling on the negatives can cause depression or even suicidal ideation to develop.

Perfectionism controls you

This is ironic because being a perfectionist means you want to be in control. You want everything to be right and without errors.

But really, the more you try to have control over something, the more you’re letting that something control you.

You might feel the need to be perfect because you want to feel proud of yourself. Or well, you want others to feel proud of you. But try to recognize that that feeling is perhaps making you do things you don’t really want to or care about.

Maybe you strive for perfection because you want approval or you want to feel that pride. But what else do you get out of it?

You end up spending time, energy, and all this effort on something you don’t really care about because of your need to be perfect. In that case, you’re not the one controlling anything; perfectionism is controlling you.

Perfectionism can keep you from forming healthy habits

Being able to form healthy habits is crucial for a healthy life – physically and emotionally. However, when trying to make positive changes to your life, you may have ideas about how it should go.

Your idea of how it’ll go perfectly might actually deter you from creating those healthy habits. Because let’s be honest, it’ll likely not go perfectly. Most things rarely do.

So once you hit any sort of setback, you may feel demotivated or want to give up entirely. In that case, you’ll be unable to create any healthy changes in your life. You’ll lose any motivation because what’s the point if it’s not going to be perfect?

When we try so hard to be perfect or to do things perfectly, we end up having trouble doing anything because we may give up if we’re anything short of perfect. Or we may end up dreading whatever it is we did because it’s not perfect to us. Not only does this create unhealthy behaviors but it keeps us from creating healthy ones.

Perfectionism keeps you from enjoying life

When you’re constantly seeking perfection, it implies that you or your life aren’t enough right now. Because if it is, you wouldn’t feel the need to make it “better” or well, “perfect”.

Perfectionism keeps you feeling unsatisfied and unhappy with yourself and your life.

You will continue to search for satisfaction in your life, which you will never get because things can never truly be “perfect”. So the more you try to make things perfect, the more imperfect everything will be.

Even when things seem perfect, it’ll all just be a facade. Because to your perfectionistic mind, nothing will ever be enough until it’s “perfect”.

But “perfect” is unattainable and impossible. Even when it’s achieved at a moment in time, it’s always fleeting. So you’ll always be chasing after it, never able to truly live and enjoy life as it is.

Perfectionism can lead to abuse

Constantly striving for perfection can lead to abuse – towards yourself and others.

By trying to be perfect all the time, you’re basically emotionally abusing yourself, constantly telling yourself that you or the things you do aren’t good enough.

Some people demand perfection not just from themselves, but from the people around them. And these unrealistic standards towards others might cause them to become abusive.

It might have applied to your parents. Maybe they only cared about raising perfect children or having a perfect life. So they ended up forcing their own perfectionistic standards onto you by praising accomplishments and punishing mistakes.

They failed to realize that being human involves making mistakes and failing, that that’s how children (and humans in general) learn and live.

Your parents likely placed their need to be perfect above your need for love and nurturing as a child. Therefore, you need to overcome perfectionism so you don’t end up continuing the cycle – whether it’s with your children or in your other relationships.

Perfectionism doesn’t resolve itself

Research has found that people who score high in perfectionism seem to become more prone to experiencing negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and irritability as they age. They also become less conscientious.

Martin Smith, a researcher who’s part of this meta-analysis, said: “What may be happening is that over time, as perfectionists repeatedly fall short of their impossible standards, they start to adopt a bleak view of their past. They tend to see most of their experiences as failures since they rarely achieve the perfection they’re striving for.”

9 Reasons Why Perfectionism is Bad | Hopeful Panda

Conclusion

In the end, perfectionism causes more issues than it solves. But that’s not something you should feel ashamed about at all. It’s not your fault that you’re a perfectionist. As mentioned in my other post, it’s something your parents and society likely ingrained in you.

However, once you recognize why perfectionism is bad for you, it’s important for you to learn how to overcome it.

Check out my next and final post in this series: How to Overcome Perfectionism