Building a social support network is a key element in healing. It’s also important for living a fulfilling and happy life in general. Therefore, it’s important to learn how to build and maintain a social support network.
The healing journey isn’t easy. And unfortunately, it’s likely a lifelong one. But this journey isn’t one you have to travel alone.
This post covers what a social support network is, why you should have one, its benefits, and various tips on how to build and maintain a social support network.
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What is a Social Support Network?
In the psychology world, social support is often defined as “acts that communicate caring; validate the other’s words, feelings, or actions; or that facilitate adaptive coping with problems by providing information, assistance, or tangible resources.”
In the terms of this blog, a social support network refers to the people in your life that you can count on who can provide care, validation, support, reassurance, motivation, and encouragement as you heal.
Types of Social Support
There are different types of social support. Each is beneficial in its own way. However, different people have preferences for different types or a combination of types.
The wrong type of support you receive can actually have adverse effects. So it helps to know what type of support you need in each situation. The common types of social support that’ll be discussed are emotional, esteem, informational, and instrumental.
Emotional Support
Emotional social support is a form of support that can help you emotionally. It can serve as a buffer against hardships and inevitable challenges that occurs.
Emotional social support includes:
- Expressing concerns about your feelings
- Offering compassion, sympathy, and validation
- Sharing of positive regard
- Listening to and empathizing with your problems, situation, and feelings
- Spending time with you when you need support or feel alone
- Providing physical comfort such as hugs or pats on the back
As you go through your healing journey, you’ll go through many different emotions that can be hard to work through on your own. Having people who can offer you emotional support can make a world of difference.
Esteem Support
Esteem support is the type of social support that helps you feel more confident and accepting of yourself. It helps you see your self-worth and value.
Esteem social support includes:
- Affirmations of your worth and value
- Genuine compliments on your ability, strength, and who you are
- Offering motivation and encouragement
- Pointing out your strengths, abilities, skills, and talents that you might not notice or remember you had
- Expressing confidence, pride, and faith in who you are or how you’ll handle a situation or issue
Many victims of childhood abuse struggle with low self-esteem and a negative self-image. Therefore, being able to have esteem support can help reduce feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing as well as boost self-esteem and confidence.
Informational Support
Informational support is the sharing of experiences, advice, information, or resources that can help someone who’s experiencing a stressor or challenge they don’t know how to handle.
This type of support is often offered by websites, shelters, organizations, and professionals such as doctors, therapists, and lawyers. For instance, Hopeful Panda can be considered a type of informational support.
Instrumental Support
Instrumental support is acts of service or assistance to help someone out.
It can include taking on responsibilities for someone so they can deal with a problem or actively helping them with the problem. It’s usually the most useful when you have immediate needs that need to be addressed.
Examples of instrumental support are:
- Bringing you food or medicine when you’re sick or unwell
- Giving you a ride when you need one
- Providing or sharing childcare duties
- Helping brainstorm solutions to a problem
Instrumental support can be really helpful during times when you need to get away from an abusive parent. Or even simply for times when you’re feeling overwhelmed with certain problems or responsibilities.
Having someone to help out with anything, even minor things, can take some weight off your shoulders.
Why Do You Need a Social Support Network?
Social support is crucial. Having a social support network in place can help you as you heal from your childhood abuse. Even just one supportive relationship can make a significant difference to your mental health and overall well-being.
Your social support network can help:
- Validate your feelings and experiences
- Serve as a buffer to stressors and hardships
- Remind you what normal, healthy relationships are supposed to be like
- Motivate you to continue on your healing journey
- Provide reassurance that the abuse you faced was not your fault
- Assist you in your escape and/or no contact plan if needed
- Cope with stress and the effects of the trauma
Benefits of Social Support
Much research has shown that having a social support network provides many psychological and physical health benefits. This study analyzing a bunch of other studies found that social support is heavily linked to health and well-being.
Benefits of social support include:
- Improved immune, cardiovascular, and neuroendocrine function
- Positive adjustment to chronic disease
- Better ability to cope with stressors including loss, illness, and trauma
- Decreased depression and anxiety
- Effective buffering against the negative effects of stress
- Reduced odds of relapse
How to Build a Social Support Network
The benefits of social support are well-documented. But it can be difficult to know how to create one on your own. So here are some tips to help you build a social support network.
Recognize existing supports
The first step on how to build a social support network is to recognize the one that’s already present in your life.
Take this moment to make a list of people that ARE already a part of your network. They can be:
- Your significant other
- Family members/relatives
- Friends
- Boss/supervisor
- Coworkers
- Teachers and guidance counselors
- Classmates
- Neighbors
- Therapists/doctors/social workers
Even if it’s just one person, recognize that person.
However, if you can’t think of anyone, that’s okay. That does NOT mean that there’s anything wrong with you or that you’re unlovable or a loser. This is what abuse does to you.
Your abusive parents likely isolated you from having any meaningful relationships. This is to keep you dependent on them. Or maybe you’ve been isolating yourself as well. But again, that’s not on you.
Maybe you’re struggling to open up or let people in. That’s another thing abuse does to you. It makes you push people away or shut yourself in because you’re scared of being hurt again.
Regardless of the reason why you don’t have anyone, it’s not your fault. Try to notice why that may be and recognize that it is something you can change. It might take a little work, but it will be worth it.
Consider existing connections
Next, think about your existing relationships or connections. Consider if any of the people you know or are acquainted with can join your social support network.
You can consider the people listed above. But also think about people in your communities or people you’ve lost touch with before that you can now reconnect with.
When thinking about who to reach out to or add to your support network, ask yourself these questions:
- Would I feel comfortable reaching out to this person when I need it?
- Can I be open and honest with them?
- Would they judge me if I ask for help or be vulnerable to them?
Your answers to these questions should give you an idea of whether a specific person is a go or no-go.
It’s also important to remember that if you expect someone to be there for you in your time of need, you need to be able to do the same for them. We’ll discuss this more later.
Meet new people
Once you have contemplated on everyone you know and whether they can be part of your social support network, you should know whether you need to meet new people to grow that network.
Here are some ways to meet more people to add to your network. You can also see them as ways to make friends.
- Join a peer support group
- Join a club that piques your interest
- Attend a workshop, class, or seminar you’re interested in
- If you’re religious, participate in your local house of worship
- Join an online forum or group
If you have trouble meeting or connecting with people, that’s okay. There’s no rush. Even if you don’t meet anyone, you can still enjoy the experience and try to take something away from it.
Besides, it’s better to form meaningful relationships rather than force ones that eventually wouldn’t work out.
Seek professional help
It is highly recommended to involve a professional when you’re going through the healing process. A professional – such as a therapist, psychologist, or counselor – can be a valuable start or addition to your social support network.
They can serve as an impartial party that can offer validation and compassion. They can also help you process your experiences, develop tools to heal, and provide advice on how to further build your social support network.
Connect with a certified therapist and access the most complete online therapy toolbox today.
Utilize resources
If you don’t know where to go or start, there are many resources online you can turn to that might be able to refer you to professional help, support groups, community centers, classes, workshops, and the like.
Improve social skills
When you’re raised by abusive parents, you likely struggle a bit with social situations. You may feel awkward, insecure, or self-conscious. I know I do. You may even have social anxiety. So that can make meeting new people harder.
It’s hard, but the best thing you can do to improve on those social skills is to put yourself out there and practice.
- Ask simple questions to initiate or continue a conversation.
- Try to relate to what the other person is saying.
- Chime in with your own experiences and opinions.
Again, it’s hard. I know. I still struggle with social situations.
It might also help to think about how the other person might be nervous and socially awkward, too. I know it makes it easier for me to talk when I feel like the other person is shy and wants me to initiate.
You can also seek counseling or ask your existing therapist to help work on your social skills.
Avoid or minimize interaction with toxic people
When we have strained relationships with our parents, it likely carries on to our future relationships.
You may have sought out or recreated harmful aspects of your relationship with your parents in your current relationships. Or you might’ve found yourself drawn to the familiar, attracted to people similar to your parents. So it’s important to remain aware of that.
Healthy relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust, and other important elements.
Learn more: Signs of a Healthy Relationship
When building your social support network, you’ll likely come across unsupportive, negative, or straight-up toxic people. Whenever you notice any red flags, it’s okay to dismiss yourself and leave the interaction.
It’s also important to trust your gut. Even if there are no obvious red flags, if you don’t feel comfortable with someone or you leave an interaction feeling anxious, drained, or bad about yourself, then they’re probably a no-go for you.
Remember: Quality is more important than Quantity
It’s important to realize that a social support network should be about how supported you feel by the people, not the total number of people in the group.
If one or two close relationships in your life are enough, then it’s enough. Many people feel fulfilled having just a few people to count on. Meanwhile, some people have tons of friends and acquaintances, but still feel alone and empty.
In the end, it’s up to you. Do what you need to do to build a support network that works best for you.
How to Maintain a Social Support Network
Building a social support network is one thing, and it’s usually easier. Maintaining it, however, can be much more difficult.
Many relationships are formed throughout your life. They come and go.
Once you get past the obstacle of meeting new people and/or deepening your existing relationships, you’ll face the challenge of maintaining and balancing those relationships. Here are some tips to help you with that.
Learn how to voice your needs
Everyone is different, therefore, everyone has different needs. Not everyone would know exactly how to approach a situation or person.
So when your support network doesn’t know exactly how to support you, be patient with them.
It’s important that you learn how to voice your needs so your support network would know how to help you.
Understand what you’re going through and what you need. Then, you can help your support network understand, too.
Also, don’t be scared to reach out for help. That’s why you’re building a network to begin with.
You might’ve been used to doing everything on your own and feel like you can’t ask for help. Maybe it used to be frowned upon. Maybe you were called a burden or treated like one whenever you needed something from your parents.
But remember: It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for support. It is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it’s a sign of strength.
Be proactive
If you’re there for others, they’ll more likely be there for you, too. If you expect others to always initiate, you’ll feel rejected when they don’t. That only reinforces the belief that no one likes you or wants to hang out with you.
Take a moment at times to check in or just say hello. Show that you’re putting the effort in to maintain the relationship. It also shows that you care about the relationship and the other person.
However, relationships are a two-way street. So realize that it’s not your job to make the first move every time.
Give back
As mentioned before, relationships are a two-way street. Therefore, reciprocation is crucial. To get the most out of them, you have to make an effort, too.
- Reach out to check in or just to say hello and catch up
- Make and spend time together – virtually or in-person
- Offer help when they need it
- Communicate
Accept help
What’s the point of having a support network if you’re not going to accept the support?
If someone offers help, try to be receptive.
After a while, you might be used to distancing yourself from others or pushing people away. Or you might be used to having to handle everything alone.
But you are not alone anymore. There are people who can be there for you.
And if you really don’t feel like accepting help at the moment, say it respectfully. Then, assure them you’ll reach out when you’re ready or need it.
That way, you’re not hurting the relationship. It will also give you the chance to reach out in case you change your mind.
Express gratitude
When someone does something for you, express your gratitude.
A simple thank you or some positive feedback will suffice. But you can also show gratitude by doing small acts of kindness.
Expressing gratitude also positively reinforces your support network so they want to continue to help you.
Know when to let go
Part of maintaining a strong social support network is knowing when to let go.
When someone doesn’t seem to mesh well with you or the relationship isn’t going how you want it to, it’s okay to end it or put it on the back burner. You can try to fix it, but you’re not obligated to.
And remember, this doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you or the other person. Some people simply don’t click or they just grow apart.
On the other hand, however, if someone is toxic, then you do need to let them go. The whole point of building a social support network is to heal.
If someone is getting in the way of that or is retraumatizing you, you deserve to do what’s in your best interests.
In the end, only you’d know if a relationship is worth keeping or not.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to decide:
- Does our interaction feel natural or forced?
- Do they truly understand, accept, and support me? Do I feel the same way about them?
- How do I feel when I’m with them? Am I comfortable or not?
- Do I feel better or worse about myself after interacting with them?
- Do I feel energized or drained afterward?
- Are they in my life because of the positive qualities they bring or is it because I just want more people in my life?
Conclusion
Whether you have enough support or the right kind of support is something only you can figure out. And as mentioned before, it does require time and effort to maintain a healthy social support network.
Our relationships are constantly changing. So it’s important to pay attention to them and reevaluate them sometimes so you can make the needed decisions to address potential problems or maintain the equilibrium.
I hope you can build and maintain a strong social support network that can support you in your healing journey and, hopefully, the rest of your life.