Learning how to heal from childhood emotional neglect can feel overwhelming at first.
But even small steps can make a huge difference.
The process can feel confusing because emotional neglect doesn’t always leave vivid memories or obvious traumas.
It leaves a sense that something important was missing.
And that absence still echoes in your life today.
Healing is about gently relearning what you were never taught: how to feel your feelings, trust yourself, take up space, and feel safe in connection.
For most of my life, I struggled with my emotions.
When I was younger, I was very easily frustrated and irritated.
I’d lash out, if not outwardly, then internally, because I didn’t know how to process my emotions.
I didn’t know what I was feeling or why, or maybe I was just in denial.
It wasn’t until recent years that I began to slow down and ask myself what I was actually feeling.
If I’m sad, angry, anxious, or scared, I allow myself to feel them.
I sit with them for a little, process why I feel that way, and figure out what I can do about it.
It wasn’t easy.
It took a lot of practice and open communication, both with my loved ones and with myself.
But today, I’m someone who embraces my emotions.
I feel connected, and I understand what I’m experiencing.
This is a healthy way to be, and can be for you too.
This post contains affiliate links. See my Privacy Policy for more information.
Relearning What Was Missing
Emotional neglect is often defined by what didn’t happen.
Maybe no one helped you name your feelings or showed you how to sit with them.
Maybe you were left to navigate emotional storms alone.
This absence can affect how you relate to yourself and others as an adult.
For example, you might not have learned how to:
- Recognize and name emotions
- Feel safe expressing them
- Cope with them in healthy ways
Instead, you adapted.
You pushed feelings down. You numbed out.
And you lashed out or shut down.
But the good news is: these are skills.
And like any skill, they can be learned and practiced.
Reconnecting with Your Emotional Self
One of the most foundational steps in healing is learning to recognize and understand your own emotions.
If you grew up in a home where feelings were ignored, minimized, or discouraged, you may have learned to disconnect from them altogether.
Healing begins by gently tuning in.
You can start by checking in with yourself throughout the day: What am I feeling right now?
Even if the answer is I don’t know, that’s okay.
Just noticing that you have an inner world is powerful.
Over time, naming your feelings, even simple ones like tired, frustrated, or calm, helps rebuild your emotional awareness.
Research suggests that by practicing emotional awareness, you can begin to reverse some of the negative impacts caused by emotional neglect.
You’re not overreacting. You’re reconnecting.
It may feel strange or even scary at first.
But each time you pause to acknowledge a feeling, you’re learning that it’s safe to be present with yourself.
In the end, you’re not only rediscovering emotions.
You’re learning how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Building Worth from Within
Emotional neglect often leaves behind the belief that you only matter when you’re useful or don’t make trouble.
You may find it hard to rest, feel guilty for saying no, or constantly try to earn your worth through overachievement or caretaking.
These feelings can be persistent.
But remember that worth is not tied to what you do, how you perform, or how little you ask for.
Part of healing is learning to see your worth as something inherent.
This shift might begin by noticing your self-talk and gently challenging the voice that says you’re not good enough.
It might look like giving yourself permission to rest, to ask for what you need, or to say no without guilt.
Over time, these small acts of self-compassion can chip away at old narratives.
They can remind you that you never had to earn what should’ve been freely given.
Redefining Yourself Beyond Cultural Expectations
In many cultures, emotional expression is not just overlooked but actively discouraged.
Whether explicitly or subtly, you may have been taught that feelings are something to hide, control, or suppress.
Emotions might have been labeled as inconvenient, messy, or weak.
Cultural and gender-based expectations can make these feelings more complex.
You might’ve been pressured to be agreeable, tough, self-sacrificing, or to avoid showing vulnerability because these traits were seen favorably.
These messages can shape how you see yourself.
They taught you that you’re only lovable when you perform the “right” roles.
But these roles are often constructed to fit societal norms, not reflect who you are or what you need.
They don’t honor your individuality or your emotional needs.
Healing means questioning these lessons and gently letting go of the identities that were never truly yours to begin with.
This process isn’t about rejecting your culture entirely, but about finding a space where you can honor your heritage and your truth.
Reclaiming your worth means letting go of what doesn’t serve you and embracing the parts that nourish you.
Related: Cultural Factors That May Contribute to Child Abuse in Asian Families
Honoring Your Needs and Boundaries
When you grow up in an environment where your needs were overlooked or treated as inconvenient, it becomes second nature to minimize them.
You may push yourself past exhaustion, ignore your discomfort, or feel guilty for having needs in the first place.
Learn to listen to your body and emotions.
It means noticing when you’re hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed, and allowing those signals to matter.
It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to take a break.
You’re allowed to want things.
You’re allowed to protect your time, energy, and peace.
Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first. But they are essential.
You’re learning to show up for yourself in ways others didn’t.
Related: How to Identify and Meet Your Own Needs
Letting Connection Feel Safe Again
For many who experienced childhood emotional neglect, relationships can feel confusing, overwhelming, or even unsafe.
You might avoid closeness, constantly second-guess your feelings, or feel like a burden.
You may not understand why you feel disconnected, only that closeness feels uncomfortable.
Healing begins with recognizing these wounds and slowly allowing yourself to be seen.
It may take time to let connection feel safe again, but the effort is worth it.
Start small by being vulnerable with someone you trust, like a close friend or partner.
It’s about breaking down those walls piece by piece.
These protective patterns once served a purpose, but now they may keep you from the connection you want.
Take it at your own pace.
Share a small truth, accept help without apologizing, and allow yourself to receive kindness without deflecting.
As Dr. Webb emphasizes in Running on Empty No More, emotional neglect often creates invisible walls in relationships.
Healing these walls starts by acknowledging them and moving toward connection, slowly but steadily.
You deserve relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Grieving What You Didn’t Get
Healing involves grieving what was missing.
If you didn’t receive emotional support from your parents, it’s okay to feel sadness, anger, or even emptiness about that.
It’s okay to acknowledge that something important was lost.
I still grieve the emotional connection I never had with my parents.
That bond I longed for doesn’t exist and probably never will.
But I’ve found healing in other relationships, able to experience the emotional connection I once thought I’d never have.
Grieving doesn’t mean you have to forget what you didn’t have.
It just means you’re choosing to focus on healing, rather than staying stuck in that pain.
It’s okay to grieve what was missing and celebrate what you’re learning to give yourself.
Learning How to Self-Soothe
If no one helped you regulate your emotions as a child, it makes sense that you may struggle with that now
Big feelings might feel overwhelming.
You may shut down, distract yourself, or seek constant reassurance.
And while support from others is important, healing also involves learning how to comfort yourself.
Self-soothing doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine.
It means learning to say: I know this is hard, but I’m here for you.
This might involve calming activities like journaling, art, walking, breathwork, or whatever helps you feel grounded in the present.
In Running on Empty, Dr. Webb emphasizes that one of the most powerful things you can do is reparent yourself emotionally.
That means giving yourself the kind of support, reassurance, and kindness that your parents may have never modeled for you.
You’re not wrong for needing comfort.
You just didn’t learn how to give it to yourself before. But now, you can.
Rebuilding Self-Trust
When your feelings were dismissed or invalidated growing up, you may have learned not to trust yourself.
You might now second-guess your instincts, over-explain your decisions, or constantly seek reassurance, even when you already know what you feel or need.
Rebuilding self-trust is a gradual process.
It starts by paying attention to what excites you, what drains you, and what feels right or wrong.
Then, you do what you can to honor those things, even in small ways and even if no one else understands.
You don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone.
You don’t need permission to know what’s true for you.
The more you listen inward, the louder that quiet voice becomes.
Embracing Growth
Healing from emotional neglect is an ongoing process.
You don’t have to get it all right immediately.
It can happen in small, quiet ways, one feeling at a time.
There will be ups and downs, setbacks and breakthroughs, strong days and uncertain ones.
And that’s okay.
Everything you learned to do or not do was a way to survive.
But now, you’re in a new place. You get to make new choices.
Looking back, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come.
I’ve gone from someone who avoided their emotions to someone who embraces them.
I’ve learned to healthily process my feelings, build meaningful connections, and show up for myself in ways I never thought possible.
It hasn’t been easy. But it’s been worth it.
Healing from childhood emotional neglect is within reach.
You are worthy of emotional freedom, connection, and peace.
Resources
This healing journey isn’t one you have to do alone.
A certified therapist can help you process what you’re going through and provide guidance. You can connect with a certified therapist here.
These books can also offer insights into childhood emotional neglect and recovery.
Read some for free with Kindle Unlimited or claim an audiobook with Audible’s free trial.
- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb
- Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships by Dr. Jonice Webb
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
- The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Begin your healing journey with The Hopeful Planner
Related:
