How to Practice Gratitude After Childhood Trauma

Learning how to practice gratitude after childhood trauma can help immensely.

I know how hard it may seem to practice gratitude, especially when you’ve experienced childhood abuse and trauma. It’s hard to be grateful when we’re born into an unloving home with toxic or abusive parents. It seems insensitive or perhaps even offensive to suggest.

However, as discussed in my previous post about the benefits of gratitude, practicing gratitude can help with healing from trauma. Also, gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the fact that bad things did and do happen. It’s possible to feel grateful yet annoyed that life’s hard sometimes. It isn’t easy, but it can make a difference.

This post will discuss various ways you can practice gratitude despite the trauma and challenges you experienced or are still experiencing.

How to Practice Gratitude Despite Life’s Challenges

The idea of gratitude is straightforward. But putting it into practice is much harder.

Gratitude comes more naturally to some people than others. Some scientists argue that it’s a trait one’s born with. Meanwhile, some claim that it’s a trait that can be earned through practice.

Research on the effects of gratitude as a practice discovered that participants who were assigned to do various gratitude exercises fared better on several outcomes such as well-being, happiness, life satisfaction, depression, optimism, and quality of relationships.

First off, let’s be real – life is full of suffering. You probably know that all too well. There are disappointments, frustrations, losses, and setbacks. To act like none of it exists is unrealistic and impossible. No amount of positive thinking or gratitude can change that reality.

However, although you can’t necessarily change reality, you can change the way you look at it. Reality might suck sometimes (or a lot of times), but it can also be pretty cool sometimes. Gratitude means noticing and appreciating the pretty cool parts.

Here are various ways to practice gratitude, even during hard times. Try to incorporate one or more of these practices into your daily life. And practice every day if you can. Once you get used to it, practicing gratitude will start coming naturally to you.

Make a list of anything and everything you’re grateful for

Let’s start with an easy one – make a list of everything you’re grateful for. You have wonderful things in your life already. It’s up to you to notice it.

Think about everything you currently have going on in your life (or don’t have going on – in a good way). Take a moment to reflect on these blessings. There is nothing too small for you to be grateful for.

You can be grateful for that cup of coffee you get to enjoy every morning, that package that arrived on time, your dog greeting you every time you return…

List everything you can think of in a journal. Or you can write it on little sticky notes and stick it everywhere. Or write it onto pieces of paper and put them in a jar. Get creative with it if you’d like!

Research shows that focusing on what we’re grateful for is a universally rewarding way to feel happier and more fulfilled.

Now, when you’re having a rough day, look back at your accumulated blessings. It can help remind you that life isn’t always bad and that good things can and do happen.

Everyday, name at least 3 things you’re grateful for

This is similar to the previous point, but it’s different in that it helps make practicing gratitude a habit.

Try to establish a daily routine to remind yourself of the good things in your life and day.

Every night, I list at least three things I’m grateful for about my day. And you can try the same. Keep it in a journal or simply take a few minutes to reflect upon it.

I do mine right before bed because it can help make the day end on a good note, even if the day was tough. And it’s actually on those tough days where this exercise can be the most beneficial.

Some days, listing three things is easy. I’ve had days where I can list like 10. But some days, I have trouble even coming up with one. But I still try my best, and it at least gives a slightly better ending to an otherwise bad day.

Spending a little time each day to practice gratitude makes you consciously and intentionally focus on becoming more grateful for everything around you. It is also a great way to practice being more mindful.

Check out the 100 Days journal for practicing mindfulness, gratitude, and hope.

Don’t forget to be grateful for people, too

Think about people that have done something for you at any point in your life. It can be today, yesterday, or even decades ago.

Typically, people are grateful for their parents, guardians, or caregivers. Let me remind you that you don’t have to be grateful for people who have hurt you (unless you want to be). However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other people in our lives that we can’t be grateful for.

Maybe it’s that one classmate who befriended you, that one teacher who believed in you, or even that one stranger that went out of their way to show you kindness.

We were unfortunate to have had parents who didn’t properly love us. And that’s rough. But there are other people in our life who cares about us.

And if not, there are people we encounter every day that shows us kindness and respect. And there’s got to be someone at some point in your life that you can be grateful for. It’s just about digging a little deeper to see who they are.

Express gratitude towards others

To show others that you are grateful for them, it’s important to express your gratitude. Physically expressing your appreciation to other people will help you foster a sense of gratitude in general.

Because of my upbringing, I am usually very appreciative whenever anyone shows me kindness. So I try my best to reciprocate or show others kindness because “treat others how you want to be treated”, right?

A simple “thank you” is usually enough for the small things someone does for you. And it can surprisingly make someone’s day, especially people in customer service-type jobs. And it’s an important first step to becoming more grateful.

On top of “thank yous”, writing a thank you letter, reciprocating acts of kindness, or finding other ways to show your appreciation can be great, too. And this applies to the little and the big people in your life.

Spend quality time with loved ones. Connect and bond. Savor the moments you get to spend together. Do little and big things for them as they’d do for you. Don’t take any of it for granted because you never know how much time you have left with someone. So cherish it while you can.

Savor the good times

I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I still try my best to let myself enjoy things because it’s what keeps me going.

When you’re feeling happy at any particular moment, pay attention for a little bit. Notice how you feel – your body sensations and the thoughts and emotions going through your mind at that moment.

Whether you are exploring a new place, engaging in a hobby, spending time with someone you care about, or simply enjoying a good movie – if you are feeling good, savor it.

You can write it down later in a journal or take a picture if you’d like. Remind yourself that these moments are what make life worth living and meaningful.

Good times probably aren’t as common as we’d like, especially when we may struggle with certain effects of the trauma we faced. But they do happen. It’s just sometimes, we get so caught up in our worries and anxieties that we fail to truly enjoy these fleeting moments.

So when you notice this kind of moment, pause and take it in. Try to immerse yourself so you can truly live in that moment and appreciate it.

When we look back on our lives, the good times are the ones that matter. Strive to continue bringing those joyous moments in your life and savor them when it comes up.

Remember the big little things

The things most people take for granted, I think, are the big things that seem little because well, we’re so used to having them that we might not even think about it.

Things like clean water, food, a roof over our heads, education, and the internet are luxuries. Many people in the world don’t have access to that. And if you have affordable or free healthcare, a home, a car, and more, then you are already very fortunate.

I know life can get hard and it’s easy to forget that. But it’s during hard times like that that we can be grateful for the things we do have.

This is not to say that you’re not allowed to feel frustrated, angry, or upset that things aren’t better. That is totally valid and you are absolutely allowed to feel that way! But recognizing what you have going for you might help make you feel a little better about a situation that you might not have control over.

Remember the material things, too

On top of the big little things, there are material things, too, that people tend to take for granted. Things like a phone, computer, clothes, appliances, and furniture are pretty luxurious. And if you have more than that, then you have more to be grateful for.

For many people, at least in developed nations, we have more than we technically “need” in terms of material possessions (and that’s fine!). But it’s important that we don’t take them for granted.

Notice how each item you have makes a difference in your life. How does it make your life easier? How does it add meaning to your life?

Sure, a mattress allows you to sleep better and a fridge keeps your food fresh. But also think about the smaller things. Think about that painting you have hanging in the hallway, that board game sitting on your bookshelf, that centerpiece on your dining table, and that toothbrush next to your bathroom sink.

Whether it’s an essential, sentimental, or simply decorative item, they each serve some kind of purpose in your life. You are very fortunate for having “things” because many people don’t. And it’s important for us to acknowledge that.

Try not to focus on what you don’t have

A lot of people struggle with feeling content because they focus too much on what they don’t have rather than on what they do.

The biggest thing we don’t have is the childhood we deserved. And yes, that’s a loss. But rather than dwell on it, try to find contentment elsewhere. You can’t go back and change things but you can move forward and try to make your current life more meaningful and whole.

On top of that, some of us may worry about the material or superficial things we don’t have like the highest-paying job or a supermodel body type. And this can be a result of abuse as well.

For instance, I yearn for that “perfect” body that I know I’ll never get. We were taught to believe that those things are what will bring us more joy in life. But it’s actually that mindset that results in the lack of satisfaction we may feel.

It’s not wrong to want or wish for things as long as it’s reasonable and realistic. I’m guilty of that, too. But life doesn’t stop or suck just because we don’t have those things yet. They can be goals we work towards.

But we should try to focus a bit more on what we do have rather than take them for granted because someday, we won’t have them anymore.

Don’t forget to be grateful for yourself, too

When you had abusive parents growing up, it no doubt hurts your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. All the names they might’ve called you or people they might’ve compared you to are bound to make you feel that you’re not enough.

Because of that, you might often compare yourself to others that you think are “better”. They have a better job, better body, more money, etc… And unsurprisingly, I do that, too.

But remember that the people you’re comparing yourself to have struggles you’re not aware of. They have flaws just like you. You may see the parts of their life that are better than yours, but what about parts of your life that are better than theirs?

Instead of focusing on how other people are “better” or how you aren’t good enough, focus on what you have within yourself that IS good enough. If there are parts that you think need work, then try to work on them.

Being grateful for yourself or anything about you is probably one of the hardest things to be grateful for as a child abuse survivor. It is for me. We were basically taught that we’re nobody. But try to be grateful for at least something about yourself.

It can be a talent, skill, personality trait, characteristic, value, or even the fact that you survived your trauma and that you’re still here, you’re still trying. There IS something about yourself that you can find to be grateful for. You just have to look for it.

Reframe your perspective

At times, when you’re struggling with something, reframing how you look at the situation can help.

One way to do this is to ask yourself, “What’s the good here?” Being able to notice the good is the first step to finding gratitude in challenges.

It might be hard to notice, but if you look hard enough, you’ll see it. Don’t ignore the pain or your feelings. Your feelings are valid and you can’t and shouldn’t brush them aside. But that doesn’t mean you can’t see the “bright” side either.

Another way you can do this is to put yourself in the shoes of someone less fortunate. When you think about some of the struggles other people go through, it may help you see that whatever you’re dealing with isn’t really so bad.

Again, this isn’t to deny or dismiss your problems or imply that they’re less important. Your issues are just as valid as anyone else’s. It’s just sometimes, looking at other people’s issues can change your perspective on your own issues and hopefully help you see it in a less negative light.

When you start approaching situations with this mentality, it may make it easier to manage and resolve. And if the issue isn’t something you can fix, hopefully, it makes it at least a little easier to live with.

If you can, be grateful for the negative experiences, too

First off, not everyone is ready for this. So it’s okay if you aren’t. But if you think you are, consider it.

When you remind yourself how difficult life used to be and how far you’ve come, you can become more grateful for your current life.

The worst part of your life is hopefully over. You are no longer that helpless child in the reigns of your abusive parent. It might still feel like it sometimes, but you are now your own person. You have control over how you want to live your life.

Think about how you can find ways to be grateful for the negative experiences you had even though you weren’t at the time. Perhaps the experiences taught you some lessons. Or maybe it somehow led you to where you want to be. Or maybe even something positive came from it.

For example, I’m not necessarily grateful for my childhood or my abusive mother. But I am grateful that those experiences taught me how to be a better parent and partner. It taught me to be more empathetic towards others because we don’t know what other people may be struggling with.

And my experiences led me to meet my awesome husband and start this blog to help others like me. So in the end, it was hard and I’m still dealing with the effects. But with how my life has turned out so far, I wouldn’t change a thing about the past.

Remind yourself that everything is temporary

Nothing is permanent in life. As bleak as it sounds, it’s true. Are you spending your time the way you want to spend it?

Maybe you’re spending all your time working rather than stopping at points to smell the roses. Maybe you’re spending all your time worrying about what you don’t have rather than appreciating what you do.

Try not to let life pass you by. It can be hard when we’re being dragged down by our past. But it is still possible to live a meaningful and fulfilling life despite the trauma we went through and the pain from it that we might still be experiencing.

There are moments of pleasure and joy in moments of suffering. And it’s up to you to notice it.

Take a break now and then to appreciate what life has to offer, what YOU have to offer. Spend time with people you care about. Do things you enjoy. Let yourself have fun from time to time.

In the end, it’s up to you. How you want to live is up to you. Only you would know whether it’s enough, right, or fulfilling.

Start making practicing gratitude a habit with this simple but effective activity. This Gratitude Scavenger Hunt printable is free to download. It is also kid-friendly so feel free to have your children join in so they can start practicing gratitude, too.

Conclusion

Knowing how to practice gratitude despite the childhood trauma you experienced can help you begin healing.

Personally, gratitude has helped me immensely in my healing journey. Of course, it’s not a miracle cure or anything. I still struggle with the effects of my childhood abuse and various mental health symptoms that make living quite hard sometimes.

Practicing gratitude is also a lot of work. But for me, it’s worth it. And over time, it does get easier.

Being able to acknowledge the positives of my current life and take something positive from the hard times of my past allows me to keep moving forward and enjoy the little (and big) things along the way. It allows me to stop taking things for granted. It allows me to become a better person, not just for my loved ones, but for myself.

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